Medieval creepiness

A big part of Crusader Kings involves gaining prestige by marrying off your relatives to other people’s high-ranking relatives (or, if you need ability more than prestige, their courtiers). The trouble is that everybody else is doing this as well, so noble unmarried ladies in the 15-25 age category – particularly ones without hare lips or raving schizophrenia – are in desperately short supply. Because the game doesn’t include anything like the indexical tools that Tropico or more recent versions of Civpossess, you can’t just pull up a big Available for Marriage List, so instead you have to trawl around court by court.

This means that when you find a candidate who’s even close it’s a big victory. You can’t arrange marriages until the individuals in question have completed their education, which generally happens at some point around fifteen or so. So it kind of behooves you to write lists of every good candidate aged over eight. Lists of small girls. Seriously, even if you watch ’em like a hawk, they’ll get snapped up. Example: the Holy Roman Emperor’s eldest daughter, Heilwiva von Franken, was sixteen and still in ecclesiastical training; I had a bunch of exiled descendants of Harold ‘Argh My Eye’ Godwinson hanging around my court who needed marrying off, and I thought I might back up my distant ambitions to the English throne with a little German connection. And somehow she got snapped up by the frickin’ Count of Breisgau. It’s worse than frickin’ eBay.

eBay for little girls.

I mean, I’m impressed. A medieval dynastic sim that didn’t squick you out would have something deeply wrong with it.

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